To All The Twi-Fanatics

Vancouver has recently turned into Mecca for all the Twilight freaks. Yup, they've begun filming the saga's second installment, New Moon, here in the Lower Mainland. Every major paparazzi agency has dispatched extra coverage to our fair city. Soccer moms are barraging news outlets for any, ANY information about where filming might be taking place so they can win over the hearts of their fickle, hormone-riddled 10 year olds (hey Sally, put down the milk jug - that training bra can't take the heat).

In short, it's creeper central up in here.

Two things of note.

1. Why is this Twilight/Edward shit a phenomenon? Okay, I get it. He's brooding, and "perfect-looking," (*Editor's Note: I saw Robert Pattinson yesterday downtown....the results were underwhelming) and he likes the weird girl. And he's safe-kinky, because he's a vampire, but a good vampire.

**Editor's Response to Editor's Note: Save the requests for the location of where I saw him. If you aren't a f$%king moron, which you probably are if you are looking for this dude during business hours, you'd have found the set already.

Booorrring.

If you're going to go blood-thirsty, why not go Anne Rice? At least she doesn't tease. You know she's bringin' the sexy time two-thirds of the way through. Now, Anne Rice may not be appropriate for the horny Harry Potter set. But to all my friends who read Twilight, and you know who you are: do you like second base? Because what you're saying by reading Twilight is that you are a committed second base girl. Coincidentally, the majority of my friends reading this drivel are the friends closest to starting families. Well guess what girls - you aren't going to make babies by dryhumping. So I suggest a change in literature to start with.

2. While we're on the subject of blood-thirsty adults - according to Census Canada, 52% of us will need blood in our lifetime, and yet only 9% of us donate. Those numbers don't add up at all kids.

So log out, type http://www.bloodservices.ca/ into the address bar, and find out how to get your vampire-victim on - in a good way. Hell, if you have to envision Edward's face as they suck the blood via syringe from your arm, go ahead. Just do it.

And after your finished, go to Schlockbuster Video (http://www.schlockbuster.com/store.htm) - hands down the best place for Vampire Porn in the city. Don't say I didn't warn you.