As If You Needed Another Reason To Heart Sean Connery (And For That Matter, Brosnan, Craig, Dalton, and that Lazenby guy)

Sadly, today is the last day aboard the beautiful Karma houseboat in Coal Harbour. That's right friends, life just got a whole lot less nautical. Let's take a moment to reminisce about the frequent Midnight Express phone calls and random Cut Copy/Hall & Oates-themed dance parties that went down on the magical yellow vessel.

That being said, I'm looking forward to the more standard life that an apartment in South Granville has to offer: closet space, a walk to my door that doesn't potentially involve swimming, and a neighbourhood that boasts some of the sweetest cafes in town.

While cleaning the houseboat today I turned on the boob tube for some background noise. Absently flicking through the channels, I observed your standard daytime fare: judge shows (Mathis, Judy, People's Court), soap operas (Young and the Restless, Days Of Our Lives) and your garden variety of sh$t CSI re-runs. Where was the Remington Steele? The Murder She Wrote? Nothing gets me more riled up than seeing Angela Lansbury flirt with Tom Bosley at the Cabot Cove coffee shop. Meeeeeeee-ow.

Then I witnessed something horrific from which I am still reeling. How is it that I failed to realize that Roger Moore spends the majority of Octopussy in F%*KING CLOWN MAKEUP? The TNT network was airing their bi-annual James Bond marathon and I stumbled onto the scene where 007 is saving a vacuous blond from a certain death-by-carnie.

Now what I want to know is: How did I forget about this horrific scene? I remember the plot from this movie. The Fabergé egg. The psycho Russian General. Maud Adams looking like a brain surgeon. How on Earth did I not recall this?

It's called blacking out, that's how. Roger Moore caused me to suffer memory loss. Somebody remind me to review this page tomorrow. I'm feeling woozy already!

Lucky.

Let's all just take a moment and acknowledge how lovely our city is today. Words and photos aren't going to do any justice so I'm not going to bother with them. Get outside and count your blessings friends.

That Being Said.....

Post-No-Coachella-Missing-The Cure-Now-Hearing-How-Good-They-Were-Devastation is beginning to set in.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Uf3jgXw_U&feature=related

What's Telus Fest?

I'm going to the Killers. Holler.

Keeping It Real.

Isn't it ironic that despite being betrayed by love, we yearn for it? That no matter how badly you've been scalded by it, once the burn heals, you crave it once more, dream of it, quest for it? Want it twice as deeply as you had it before? So bizarre, the notion that once you've felt that white-hot feeling explode, all you want is the eruption again. The most beautiful natural disaster - a love supernova.

But you can't just want it. It has to find you. And it has to be real (sidebar - how can people who have been in love settle? I'm not talking flings. I'm talking settling down with someone they aren't in true love with. I find it completely mystifying and depressing).

Fuck. Hey Doc - I think I'm suffering from the effects of a heart attack! What's that? Heartache is real? How can you have heartache when you aren't in proper love, or have any prior health issues? I swear - there is this dull ache that won't go away. Someone call up Bill Shakespeare....I need him to text me Puck's phone number stat.

You can pretend you don't want it. That you are perfectly content without it. You can numb out. Stare at the stars, dream of far off places. Of how our universe could be a simple molecule on a tiny ant's leg, in some gargantuan stratosphere that we couldn't possibly comprehend. Inhale. Feel the blades of grass beneath you literally grow millimeter by millimeter. Laugh from the depths of your insides when the moment has you. Let sand sift through you fingers. Marvel at birds cresting through pockets of warm air. Think of yourself cresting through pockets of warm air. Feel a spring breeze envelope you like a blanket made of flowers. Go to an outdoor festival. Lose yourself in the music. The place. The people. The vibe of human honesty. Of belonging to something bigger than you. Allow the notes to float through the air, enter your ears. Find that place inside of you where you feel.....feelings. Let it soak in. Right in.

And yet the want. The wanting. It waits patiently for you. Because all of these things eventually mean nothing without something. Someone. That thing you would die for.

Don't you wish that you could just put a shell up to your ear and some far off shore would whisper which direction to go in? I sometimes do. But I guess it's the journey that counts, right? That's what those life-affirming fridge magnets say. I'm going to take their word for it.

Free!

Some free activities that are sure to make your Spring Sprung...

• k-os concert by donation at the Commodore, April 30th & May 1st. this dude is underrated live and isn't a money-grubbing bastard. high tens!
  
• people watching. see all the exhibitionists who have been cooped up all winter bring out their inner freak and get their kit out. i've already seen some priceless displays this week. grab a coffee and enjoy! notable hot spots guaranteed to bring the LOL's: Kits Beach, Davie Street, the Grouse Grind, sexually frustrated yoga moms in Edgemont Village post-Grind.
• if you haven't already, join a bike gang. NOW. a must for the Spring/Summer. get your crew sorted!
  
• TELUS World Ski & Snowboard Festival free concerts: Metric - Friday, April 24th; DJ Z-Trip - Saturday, April 25th; 54-40 - Sunday, April 26th. Words of advice: bring a plastic cup and don't even think about wearing high heels.
• start building your tan. yeah, i said it, and i'm not afraid: people look better tanned. it makes you feel good, like a growing plant. or something. whatever. i'm doing it. you're either with me or against me! take your statistics and shove it. me and vitamin D: BFF forever!
  
• participate in a riot. ok, so i'm not advocating violence - but the Canucks had better win Round 2 or there will be blood. now i'm thinking we are winning the Cup this year. but listen, if shit hits the fan either way, you want to be there - think of all those cool kids back in the day bragging about getting punched in the face post-'94 on Robson Street. that could be you! don't fuck up and miss it.
• if they live in the GVRD, mow your parent's lawn. in case you haven't noticed, they aren't getting any younger.
  
• take photos. you'll never regret it. and this city is spectacular right now.
  
• upcoming exhibit of weird Dutch artists @ the VAG - Tuesday nights are by donation. best viewed Marc Emery-styles for maximum effect....if you're into that sort of thing, that is. say Vermeer ten times fast! whhooooaaa. http://www.vanartgallery.bc.ca/the_exhibitions/upcoming_exhibitions.html
• swimming at Spanish Banks. shitfaced. naked. 1 a.m. this should require no explanation. if you don't know, now you know.
• hang out at the Downtown Branch of the Vancouver Public Library and get all smart and stuff. not only are books cool, but the building itself, especially the atrium, is still one of the best places for a solo hang or coffee hands down.
• crash your neighbour's BBQ. sure, the first hang is gonna be awkward. but after a few Pabst Blue Ribbons, you're makin' friends - and having a secondary posse to pitstop with for a cold one all summer is rad, plain and simple.
• give some good music to a friend in need. yeah, you know the one. we all have that buddy. the "you're awesome in every way but your taste in music is unbelievably uncreative, stale and terrible and it's making me question the very foundations of our friendship" pal. well if you want to prevent listening to the entire catalogue of Good Charlotte on your next road trip, turn them onto some new tunes. not only will their life be better, but you'll be preventing needless suffering. trust me, it's worth it - 'cause once those wheels are in motion, you've got no one to blame but yourself.
  
• vote. the only way you can bitch and complain is if you exercise your right. once you do, the soapbox is all yours. http://www.elections.bc.ca/index.php/election2009/
• while we're on the subject - if it feels good, do it! www.sexparty.ca
• and while we're on THAT subject - do it. it's free, it's fun, we're young, and it makes the world go 'round. so grab your partner and dosey doe. and be safe. duh.
  

Whoa!

Has anyone else noticed just how terrifying St. Louis Blues goalie Chris Mason is? It's like Abraham Lincoln and Agent Scully were abducted by aliens and mated to create the scariest ginger in modern day history. Or something like that.

Now I just want the Canucks to win so my nightmares subside.

Temporary Retirement

So I am retired. As of.....right now. It isn't a real retirement. No no. This is a 40 day long sabbatical from the work force, a self-imposed exile between the old job and the new one. I planned it on purpose, of course, much like my man MJ planned on sucking at baseball for awhile. Sometimes it is a good thing to step back, re-charge the batteries, take some time to reflect, and of course, spend sunny days doing sunny things. April showers bring May memories....and June brings alot of intensely hard work. Bring it!

Oh...and there will probably be a whole lot more blog posts. Yawn.